


Do you miss me?

by MindAndHeart



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Love, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-20 18:54:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4798637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MindAndHeart/pseuds/MindAndHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Do you miss me?"<br/>"Like someone cut a hole in me."</p><p>After 2x22.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do you miss me?

“Do you miss me?” I can see confusion and sorrow sorrowful in her eyes. I want to rush to her neck, to bury in her neck and to sob in her neck.This question hurts me with a knife right in the heart. Yes, love is the sacrifice, but the sacrifice of two. Sacrifice of one is not love.Her question was for me like a prayer. Now I realize that she took my heart. Once and forever.

 

“Like someone cut a hole in me,” I smiled bitterly. Tears ran down on my cheeks. I sobbed. Carm nodded to my words, turning away from me.She is crying. Vampires don’t cry, though, right? Lie. How I want to kiss her now. Hug her. I'm so tired. Tired of all that what is going on between us. And she was tired. Too hard. We both ran into each other a look. It was tender.

 

Her dark eyes gazed in my eyes with pain. I swallowed. If we could accept each other unconditionally, without all those “she should be”, no conceptions of “what is good” and “what is bad” right now, our life would be paradise ... but I can’t. I can’t. Morally, I can’t.

 

“Goodnight, Carm,” I said quietly. I'm waiting for an answer.

 

“Goodnight,” she answers me with a broken voice. I swallow, stand up from my seat and go to in my room now. I stopped next to the chair. I could hear the heavy breathing of Carmilla. Wiping tears, I turned around, looking at Carm, who bowed her head, staring off somewhere to the side.

 

“Carm?”

  
  
“Yes, Laura?” she looks up at me. There was so much tenderness mixed with pain in her eyes.

  
  
“Can you lay on the bed with me?” I ask hopefully. Carmilla smiles softly.

 

“Of course, Laura,” Carm stand up from the chair, and I turned around, go to the bathroom to change the clothes. It was the most disgusting day of my life. More precisely, the night. Wounded Carm, bros, and the Valkyries, who want to kill vampires. Perry with holy water, Mattie, who wanted to kill Perry and me. Disputes, screaming, swearing ... I'm emotionally and physically exhausted.

 

Dressed in pajama pants and a T-shirt, I walked into the room; I saw that Carm is on the right side of the bed, on her back, her hands behind her head, her eyes closed. In the shoes. On the bed. I sighed. Quietly passed to my half of the bed, I lay down on my side, facing the Carmilla. She was not breathing. Damn. Sometimes I forget that vampires don’t need oxygen.

 

My eyes didn’t leave her face, looking at the facial features in the light of a lamp that illuminated the room. My heart starts to beat faster, when my eyes fell on her lips. Carm smiled gently. Damn. She perfectly hears and feels everything.

 

“Carm?”

  
  
“Yes, Laura?” Carmilla turns her head toward me, opening her eyes.

 

  
“Can I ... can I hug you?” I look away.

 

“Of course, Laura,” without thinking, I moved closer to Carmilla, and wrapped my arm around her waist, hugged, putting my head on her chest, listening to the quiet and peaceful heartbeat. I don’t remember when I was so close to Carmilla. She was warm, she smelled something metallic. I closed my eyes, feeling that Carm start softly stroking my hair.

 

“Sleep, Laura.”

 

  
“You don’t go away when I fall asleep?”

 

  
“I'll go,” she says softly, her heart starts to beat faster.

 

  
“Why do you want to go?” I asked, closing my eyes. Please don’t go, don’t go.

 

  
“Because I can no ... You're so shed tears because of me ... Laura, you're tired. Sleep,” her hand slips lower, hugging my shoulders.

 

“But I ... I can’t be happy without you,” I feel the tears come close to my eyes.

 

  
“You can,” she whispers, and I feel her hand on my cheek, which gently caresses the skin. “I have to leave and you found your happiness again, and ceased to depend on just the vampire crap.”

  
  
I sigh. No. I don’t want to. I don’t want to let her go ...

 

  
“Don’t you understand, do you?” she sadly grins.

 

  
“I realized that you have decided to leave me forever, and I need to have to love everyone, instead of you,” I open my eyes, pulling away from Carm, lying down on a pillow.

 

“I can’t stay, Laura. Because I’m only pain. I know what I need, but you can’t give it to me, but I'm not in able to give what you need,” Carmilla turned to the side, looking at my eyes. Her thumb rests on my lips, stroking. I get the feeling that she wants to erase her kisses from my lips.

 

“I was a pile of ashes, until you inflamed me,” she says, smiling. But her eyes don’t smile.

 

"Now it doesn’t matter to me ... I love you, I love you. I didn’t know that I can love. I don’t know what love is such a strong feeling. I’m yours and will always be yours, Laura. I'm sorry, Laura, vampire dared to fall in love with you ...”I close my eyes, pressing my body to Carm and burying my nose into her neck. There is nothing worse than to apologize for love.

 

“I want you to stay...”

  
“No...”

 

I raise my head, looking at Carm. Her lips say one thing but her eyes told another. Her lips said “no”, but her eyes said “yes”. Her heart says "yes", and her brain was telling me "no." My lips find her and I gently kiss her. I put in this kiss all my feelings what feel at the moment. My lips, my kiss pray about her, so she stayed. Pulled away from her, I looked into the darkened eyes which are eagerly looked at my face. Carmilla is breathing heavily.

 

“What are you doing with me, Hollis?” Carmilla takes a deep breath, breathing out, and then her lips touch mine, kissing. My hands find their place in her hair, pulling her closer.

 

  
“You want me,” looking up from my lips, she whispers. Yes. It’s useless to deny it. “You feel ... I feel like you are ... You think about me even when you don’t want to think about me. I bet you dream about me. Not even once. And now you want me to kiss you. Again.”

 

And I kiss her. Her tongue touches my lips and I open mouth and her tongue slips into my mouth. I moan into the kiss. How I missed her lips. How I've missed so kissing her. I missed her terribly ...

 

Carmilla broke the kiss. I stared at her, don’t knowing what is going on. Her hands moved to my hips, she turned me on my back, leaned over to me and started kissing me. It was different. Her lips were soft, almost begging. They have never been begging ... but in this kiss I felt admiration and indifference, love and hate, pleasure and pain.

 

“You are mine or no one has ever got you ...,” she whispered when her lips touching mine. She kisses me again. Carmilla breaks our kiss. Her hands touch my pajama pants, removing them with underwear. Carm disclaims her shirt.

 

Her lips are again on mine. The kiss was greedy. She like a starving animal, who bite my lips and immediately lick them. My hands moved to her back, hugging. She only kissed my lips. Her kisses is my healing after today. Carmilla falls on top of me, holding her weight on one arm, when the other, sliding down under my T-shirt.

 

Her hand falls below the stomach, and then I feel her fingers pressed against the clitoris. My back arches. Carmilla kisses me, biting my lips. Moan bereaks my lips. Carm slowly massaging the clitoris. I cry out, clinging fingers over her shoulders.

 

“Tell me that you love me, and I will always stay with you,” Carm enters into me with two fingers, and I cry out loudly, hugging her neck. Fingers quickly and deeply entered with each thrust. I wanted to tear my hair out of the realization that this is what I wanted. That's why I so missed.

 

She kissed my lips, exactly, but it was more like bites. My fingers clutched at her hair when her fingers began to move faster. When I feel that three fingers slide inside me, I groaned aloud. Carm lips touched my lips, and I moaned into her mouth. I thought my heart would break from an overabundance of feelings. Carmilla increased speed, sharper and faster working with her fingers. She kissed me when I screamed, feeling Carmilla fingers and thumb pressed on the clitoris. My hands wrapped around her back, hugging her strongly.

 

Fingers gently come out from me. Carm lay back on the bed. Closing my eyes, I was trying to bring breath back to normal. A few minutes later I realized that Carm got out of bed to leave. I managed at the last moment to clasp her hand.

 

  
“Please stay with me forever ...”

 

  
... Her fingers gripped on mine.


End file.
